“Don’t trust charming. Why? Because the boy who can talk all the right words knows it too well. Things like boys and love aren’t meant to be practiced like that, it should be a bit awkward- it should be raw.”—The best advice I’ve ever received. (via perfect)
Briefly I will express my ponderings before my “should-be-in-bed” tiredness takes over. I was registering for the rest of my classes over at my girlfriend’s house because I had been on the fence about which Drawing class to take and also if I’ll take a music class. This is my last semester at the university which has a whole different thought process going off but I will focus on the task at hand.
When considering what music class to take, I realized quickly that it was more practical overall to take chorus again. I’m not the most talented Baritone, but it’s an easy A just show up and sing. My girlfriend leans over and says I should take one of the chorus classes that meets only one night a week with her. She has to continue taking one ensemble class to keep her grant and that class is the only one available for her. After some consideration, I applied.
But something else registered more than just the new evening class (which I have taken once before). Since the beginning of our relationship until now my girlfriend and I have no planned our lives around each other. Sure we’re both older, more mature, and consider those possibilities but not necessarily with each other; or at least I don’t think so. This is one of the first times that my girlfriend has really considered me in her future. I mean, I always considered her for mine but I never got any indication if it was mutual. She’s excited I’m taking a class with her next (and last for the both of us) semester but more importantly she is assuming we will still be with each to enjoy that class together. And that really pleases me.
I’m not exactly sure at what point I’m at in my life but I am starting to get a better grip on myself and establishing myself as an artist, a designer, and a creator. I’m making a name for myself and respected by my colleagues. I’m not sure what the future holds, or if she will be involved in it but I feel more prepared to face it either way. Love is incredibly complicated when you think about it instead of feeling it. But even more than that is the future; what it will reveal and so on. I don’t know what’s next or how I feel about anything, but I’m too busy to bother with it. Grander thoughts like love, marriage, careers, purpose are just not really thought of anymore lately because I’m too overwhelmed.
I’m incredibly lucky to have the life that I have with all that that includes, but the severity of these things will have to be considered eventually. But alas, my mind is getting thicker and the eyes stronger. Time to rest for the night.
It feels good to know I have a future and with people I love. Comforts me, makes me feel normal, like I’m not as strange as I thought.